ANOMALY

I have been asked repeatedly
how someone so sad
can be so happy,
and I usually tell the asker,
"Maybe it's because YOU are here".

I can not speak for every sad person,
but this sad person
tries to find Joy
anywhere
everywhere
and then truly rejoice in it.
BECAUSE I NEED IT SO MUCH.
It separates my darkness
from this light.
I choose to seek out happiness
in the midst of whatever is happening
to me
and others.
All of the lies, the theft, the cruelty.
I may have been in a crumpled heap
of sobbing
and asking God "why" questions
I never want to ask
a few hours before,
but I can see someone I love,
or see someone of love
or see someone doing good
or acting heroically
or hear a funny story
and I will seek out that joy
and I may love more
and laugh harder
because I need it the most
to separate me from my pain
and the crimes set against me.

I love love,
I really love fun.
I like justice,
and peace,
and honesty,
and good people
and good times.

These are the polar opposites
of what I have found to be true
when I sit alone and think
about what is really going on
how awful people have been to me
how awful people are to each other.
how someone tried
to make a beautiful life awful,
destroy me,
and almost succeeded.
But guess what,
I am stronger than that.
I know that now.
You can take my money
and my stuff
and my home and my belongings
and lie, lie, lie about me
and I will still
seek
out Joy.
And there will be people I will bump into
who will give that to me.

So, if you know
the pain of my writings,
the pain of myself
the pain I am enduring,
and I see you
and I smile,
or laugh
or drink
and dance,
or speak to you
and find joy...
It's not me,
It's you,
my brothers and sisters
who believe in good.

You are giving joy.
as we all should
and that makes me smile.
I NEED joy
We all need joy,
I need it alot
to forget the pain
And we need good,
honest people
to forget the criminals.

And I thank you.
All you good people.
Thank you.

Seek and you shall find.
Joy.
I am always looking
In the middle of my pain.
Both are true.
I choose Joy.
And you can't take THAT away.