Wary Christmas

Me and my best friend Darren
have said for years
that our biggest fear is
being misunderstood.
And we are both completely misunderstood
all the time.

Because of this,
I feel like I have to clarify
all the time.
Like Christmas.
I can not stand Christmas.
Holy Commercial Madness, Batman.

This thing going on in the U.S. right now
about people being pissed
about stores saying "Happy Holidays"?
(if you are not an American,
you are probably like "WTF?"
but so am I... totally)
Conservative right wing weirdos
launching a campaign about
stores saying "Happy Holidays"
instead of "Merry Christmas"?

BOYCOTT!!!
Oh My !!!

They are STORES.
STORES!
Come On!
You are defending christmas
by saying that STORES
should be more "CHRIST" LIKE.
Like Jesus is gonna stand outside in line
and knock people over for a sale on
ties, sweaters or an X-Box 360.
What?
Yikes.

Spending time
combatting a theory of inclusion (Happy Holidays)
rather than exclusion (Merry Christmas)
at a STORE?

(awesome quote from an e-mail I got:
'I couldnt agree more......
I am on the frontlines working at Toys r Us.
This is my first season working there,
it feels more like a tour of duty.
The crap i see daily... the greedy'
- Dustin)

There is nothing righteous about
Christmas Presents.
Yuck.
Shopping, stressing,
fighting and all the
falsities that
come along with "gift giving" on
Christmas.
The greed....
It's not need.
If it was,
everyone once a year would give
to a charity.
How about being generous
all year long?

I started this whole rant,
because I wanted to repost
a post I wrote a long time ago on
Christmas,
that I'm sure will be...
Misunderstood.

Christmas.
The word makes me shudder.
And just to try and NOT be misunderstood,
the following post is
NOT about right wing weirdos
trying to make everyone support Christmas.
And it is CERTAINLY NOT
about ME supporting Christmas,

It's about HYPOCRISY.
-------------------------------------------
SANTA CLAWS

So, it's that day.

That day that someone picked as Jesus' birthday.

Although, the actual events taking place on the date of December 25
are about as true as Jesus being a white man.

If someone just picked a random date...
Why during the most dangerous time to travel?
What's the matter with spring, or Fall (my fave)?
But nope, somebody said it, so loaded down with presents and coats,
people board airplanes and cars to travel through snow storms,
because we have been trained to do so.
But it's rarely about a "birthday" anyway.

Enter Santa.

Apparently, in order to hook everyone, we have Santa.
The birth of Jesus wasn't a good enough slogan for true mass appeal, to support a muti-million dollar holiday industry,
so we have the man in the red suit with the beard.
Now, here's the thing....
When one is a kid,
and finding out everything for the first time,
from potty training to
tying a shoe
to the little men who live inside the radio and sing songs;
they are often taught two stories:

-One of a God Man, who lives in the sky, with a big white beard, who knows all things, does miraculous things, keeps a list of who's good and bad, and you can talk to him...

-And the Santa Man, who flys through the sky, with a big white beard, who knows all things, does miraculous things, keeps a list of who's naughty and nice, and you can write to him...

Then, a few years later,
they are told
that everyone was just lying about one of them.

EVERYONE.
A giant conspiracy by family, stores, T.V., radio, books...
They were just lying about Santa, but no, no, no...
The other guy?
That one's true.

We were discussing this the other night,
and after years of me thinking that was such a scam,
I thought, well, maybe it's smarter than I think.
Go ahead and teach 'em young that people lie,
even the one's you trust.
And start with a GIANT lie, that everyone is in on...
That has costumes and theme songs (wait, so do churches)
And besides, NOT teaching Santa to a kid would be considered blasphemous.
A certain child abuse.
The neighbors would talk.
Future spouses and therapists:
"Poor _____, you know he/she never had a Santa Claus".
And they'll cluck and shake their heads.

Perhaps that's what's truly wrong with alot of people.
They're grown ups now,
but somewhere inside,
they're still pissed about the Santa thing.

But what do I know, I thought there were little guys inside the radio.
- pp
------------------------
If you hate all this holiday shit,
maybe you should get get a copy of
"Holidays On Ice"
by David Sedaris
As a "christmas present" to yourself.
It's really funny.
Although, I think EVERYONE
should get a copy of EVERYTHING
David Sedaris has EVER written.