HAPPY NEW BEERS

(caution: run-on rant ahead)

I think I have
figured out something...

I am not being persecuted.
It's different.
It's change.

I was absolutely and violently
roped and yanked
by God out of the scene I was in.
"Friends" ended up to be
complete phonies,
"Buddies" ended up being
desperate for anything...
it had nothing to do with me.
People I loved
who I thought loved me,
not only didn't love me,
they HATED me
and were mean as hell
and were better actors
than I will ever be.
(this has only happened with straight people
for some reason. All of my gay friends
have always been pure as heaven)

I realized that I had little in common
with most of the people I knew
in the bars.
People I drank with,
and that's pretty much it,

It's exciting in a way,
to start over.
(Warhol said something like...
God, I'm so paraphrasing...
"get rid of a third of your stuff,
a third of your friends,
a third of your... etc.")

I have had strangers
and friends tell me in my current situation
that adversity lets you know
IMMEDIATELY who your friends are.
And I was like...
What?
My friends are my friends.
And again...
I was wrong.

Crickets.
I first learned that term on
a job I had a few years ago
with some awesome comedians
indicating the sound you hear when
a joke falls flat.
Well,
I am the joke,
and yeah, I fell flat,
pushed, rather,
by mean, mean people...
and CRICKETS, man...
Crickets.
That's what I heard from my "frenz"
(I stole that, by the way... "frenz",
from Kevin Lawson,
who, by the way, is my Friend)
the minute trouble came my way.

My Frenz were people I drank with,
thought I was having a blast with,
bought drinks for,
hung out at clubs with,
and immortalized...
who I thought
were absolutely wonderful,
who were actually absolutely awful to me,
and that is just what transpired
in front of my back,
God only knows what is actually being said.

Sometimes it's OK
to let things go.
I fantasized alot,
about love,
my friendships,
my happiness...
when there were thieves in my temple
and knives in my back
and I didn't know what to do,
so I pick up the tab and
laugh at the jokes
and tell myself how fun it was.

Don't think I've quit
having beers with people.
I have a ridiculous saying about...
say, famous musicians,
that has always been,
regardless of their art,
"Yeah but, would you really want
to have a beer with them?"
Some seem, just,
in my favorite made-up adjective...
"UN-FUN".

That was in the abstract.
This is real.
Fun I believe in.
Frenz, I do not.

I made a big decision about a year ago,
and it took me over a year to
bring it to fruition...
I will not have beers nor will
I hang out with anyone who
yells at me
(If you've read my former
entries, I can not stand
people who yell).

I also think it is a good idea to
hang out with people who have
respect for themselves
and more importantly...
others.
I have never been so
great at hanging out with people
who were good to me,
for some reason.
It was always
MY job was to be good to THEM,
no matter how they treated me.

But THIS is
HAPPY NEW BEERS.
I have good love in my life,
the real kind.
I am going to crack caps
with people who
do not yell at me
who are kind to me
who are kind to the waitress
who are kind to the bartender
who do not treat me like shit
who do not fight because they are bored
who are not mean
who help other people
who are only bitter about the ugliness
of things like war, bush, racism, murder,
rape, politics, homophobia,
capitalism, civil injustice, etc.
NOT people who are pissed because
they think they are so damn special that
they "should've" and they "could've"
but it's all some big plot by the rest of
us who simply worked our asses off
to survive
who they think we only did anything
to make them feel like losers
because they are too lazy and special
to ever work hard and
to feel anything but selfish contempt.

I am gonna have beers with people who are good to me.
It sounds simple.
But it wasn't to me.
I realized in the last few days,
I am nice to mean people
because they scare me
and I find them irrational.
It is irrational and unbelievable
to me that people treat others
terribly and expect and usually
receive no consequences.
Therefore, when faced with irrational
people, I do what one may do with
a rabid bear or something...
"O.K.... O.K.... It's O.K....
Easy now.... Everything's O.K....."
while being very calm and friendly
and backing away slowly,
FAR too slowly
(no offense to bears, I'm sure they are
better than our species).

But THIS?
THIS IS HAPPY NEW BEERS
and I am excited.
I have cleaned house,
wiped my tears,
straightened my spine
and have decided to
have beers with people who
I trust
and are good to me...
and would never yell at me.

I'm not so good at it,
but I'm gonna try.
Thank God.



P.S.
PLEASE don't drink and drive.
It gives us who drink and walk
a really bad name.