MAMMA

Mother's day...
Tough One.
I miss her everyday.
Every
Day.

Yesterday,
I was in a car for a long time
with a lovely guy named Pedro
who just lost his mom in February.
I told him how long it takes to feel normal.
I told him you never stop missing them.
I told him she's with him all the time now.
He says he cries alot,
I told him I still do.
I still pick up the phone to call her.
I still want to tell her funny stories.
And it has been a few years now.

She would have LOVED my boyfriend
SO much,
He is everything
a mom would want for their daughter,
kind and loving and a good, good man.
She would have loved to see me
So In Love.
She never met my dogs
or my cat.
and she would have loved to see me
So In Love.

I am glad she was not here for
all the personal pain I suffered through
in the last two years.
Mean, awful people
and hateful lies told
about me.
It would have broken her heart.
It broke mine,
But better mine than hers.

My sister is an AWESOME mom,
and that is so fun to watch.
She had the same mom I did.
I have women who I look up to
and love
like my Aunt Vicky, my Dad's wife Diane,
my best friend's mom Audrey,
my boyfriend's mom Cathy,
and a slew of other
women I am so lucky to know
that can mother me well,
if I need it.
I am so grateful for that.

You always feel a little lost,
however,
when your mom dies.
But I know how lucky I was
to know her.
She was beautiful
and sweet
and smart
and funny.
And she loved me,
SO MUCH.

Happy Mother's Day to
Donna Bell,
My Mom,
In Heaven.