ANGELS AND YOU

I have read every e-mail about angels,
and I hope there will be more.

The most remarkable part to me,
is how many of you that have experienced
something like this
continuously bring up the
reluctance to talk about
or even write about your experience.
Same things I said.
You KNOW it sounds nuts,
but it HAPPENED.

I feel the same way,
and I often want to talk about it
to everyone
ALL THE TIME.
It's a crazy thing.
I know.

Thank you for all of your notes.
I get it,
and I appreciate it,
so much,
and
I
Know.

Jeffrey Wright

The actor Jeffrey Wright
in Angels in America
BLEW MY MIND
both times I watched it,
every little tiny thing he does
is brilliant.
Such an incredible performance.
Incredible actor.
He is SO, SO good.

ANGELS ANYWHERE

The first time I saw "Angels In America",
when it first aired,
things were different.
Although I always tried watched
excellent programming like this,
especially that which deals with issues
I am intensely involved with,
like civil rights and AIDS awareness,
this one felt personal.
I was in a desperate situation,
I was very sad, and calling on angels,
big time,
because I had no hope left.

I TiVo'd all episodes
and laughed and cried watching them.
I wanted to rewatch it,
but since then,
my TiVo is gone,
as are most of my things,
and I do not have TV anymore,
but now, it came out on DVD,
so I got to see it again.

We have been watching the
entire 6 episode program over the last week.
I LOVED it the first time.
This time was different.
and I LOVED it again.

But the first time,
after praying for a certain
undeserved intervention
for years,
(be careful what you pray for)
I was only fascinated by the convergence
of divinity/humanity...
but had no experience.

People always think I'm brave,
which is crazy,
I am the weakest, most scared person
you could ever encounter.
However,
I will admit that writing the following in a public
journal is brave for me.

In May, 2004, I learned what it meant
to be visited by an angel.
Alone in a hotel room in the middle of
the night, completely shocking.
Yeah, I prayed for that kinda thing for years,
it's nuts,
but, apparently, it happens...
shit.

Mine didn't have wings,
just so you know.
Mine appeared as light
and wisdom.
Future wisdom.
Future Joy.
Future sadness.
Future Battles.
But...
Future.

No one is more amazed,
even today,
as me.
And,
HELLO!
I know how crazy it sounds.
But ...
Whatever...

It
happened
to
me.

-pp

If this has happened to you,
please tell me at:
pauleypdotcom@gmail.com

GIVINGTHANKS

Giving thanks for
good food,
delicious people,
an awesome swimming pool,
a wonderful bungalow,
yummy pets
and outstanding boyfriend
in a few days of
three dinners, three parties, a brunch,
and a wedding.

Tired and happy.
Thank you to the over 100 people I've
seen and dined with in the last 72 hours.

Thanks for all the love.
I love you too.

November 24

The most memorable "thanksgiving" I
ever spent was at an
A.I.M. (American Indian Movement)
rally in Manhattan.

Every year,
I am frustrated by the
blurred history of what
happened to the Native American people
who aren't really celebrating today.

I have Native American blood,
but that's not why,
it isn't personal.

One man's feast
was another man's slaughter.

Here's to the Native American People
on this day.

AND THEN

I get an email yesterday
from a friend that said,

"Weeds Choke Flowers.
You have to pull them out."

Thanks, B. !

LYRICS/Queen-You're My Best Friend

Since I'm on a lyrics roll,
and just to mention,
aside from the heart break of those who let you down,
there are amazing friends like my Darren Greenblatt.
Darren and I met when we lived across the
street from each other in NYC like 633 years ago.
We were insta best friends and have laughed,
cried, thought, and loved each other through
everything in our lives since that day.
His parents, Audrey and Irwin, adopted me, (my Jewish Family)
and together they have all held me up and supported
me in a way that in impossible to describe.
I love you guys!
I love you Darren!




You're My Best Friend/Queen

you make me live
whatever this world can give to me
It's you, you're all I see
you make me live now honey
you make me live
You're the best friend
that I ever had
I've been with you such a long time
You're my sunshine
And I want you to know
That my feelings are true
I really love you
You're my best friend
you make me live
I've been wandering round
But I still come back to you
In rain or shine
You've stood by me
I'm happy, happy at home
You're my best friend.
You're the first one
When things turn out bad
You know I'll never be lonely
You're my only one
And I love
The things that you do
You're my best friend
you make me live.
I'm happy, happy at home
You're my best friend
You're my best friend
you make me live
You, you're my best friend.

LYRICS/Bright Eyes - When The President Talks To God

When the president talks to God
Are the conversations brief or long?
Does he ask to rape our women's' rights
And send poor farm kids off to die?
Does God suggest an oil hike
When the president talks to God?

When the president talks to God
Are the consonants all hard or soft?
Is he resolute all down the line?
Is every issue black or white?
Does what God say ever change his mind
When the president talks to God?

When the president talks to God
Does he fake that drawl or merely nod?
Agree which convicts should be killed?
Where prisons should be built and filled?
Which voter fraud must be concealed
When the president talks to God?

When the president talks to God
I wonder which one plays the better cop
We should find some jobs. the ghetto's broke
No, they're lazy, George, I say we don't
Just give 'em more liquor stores and dirty coke
That's what God recommends

When the president talks to God
Do they drink near beer and go play golf
While they pick which countries to invade
Which Muslim souls still can be saved?
I guess god just calls a spade a spade
When the president talks to God

When the president talks to God
Does he ever think that maybe he's not?
That that voice is just inside his head
When he kneels next to the presidential bed
Does he ever smell his own bullshit
When the president talks to God?

I doubt it

I doubt it

FAKE FRIENDS

James,
Thanks for the heads up.
You have NO idea how timely these lyrics are:

FAKE FRIENDS/JOAN JETT

When you were down
they were never there
When you’re all alone
you really get to learn
If you get back up
they're gonna come around
All the sycophants,
they love to make romance
To the ugly sound
of them tellin’ you what you
Wanna hear and you pretend

Because they all agree
you’re supposed to have a better life
But you’re feelin’ worse
And they build you up
till you fool yourself that you’re
Something else and it’s like a curse cause
You can’t live up to what they made of you
And they tell you that you’re losin’ friends

Losing friends, losing friends
You got nothin to lose
You don’t lose
when you lose fake friends

You go an tell them
you were king of the hill
When you need a hand - that was yesterday
You see them laugh
while you’re on your knees
And it breaks your heart cuz ya gave so much
And you can’t believe that you hit the gound and
You notice you been losin’ friends

Losin’ friends, losin’ friends
You got nothin to lose
You don’t lose when you lose fake friends

AND:
POSITIVELY 4th STREET/Bob Dylan
You got a lotta nerve
To say you are my friend
When I was down
You just stood there grinning

You got a lotta nerve
To say you got a helping hand to lend
You just want to be on
The side that's winning

You say I let you down
You know it's not like that
If you're so hurt
Why then don't you show it

You say you lost your faith
But that's not where it's at
You had no faith to lose
And you know it

I know the reason
That you talk behind my back
I used to be among the crowd
You're in with

Do you take me for such a fool
To think I'd make contact
With the one who tries to hide
What he don't know to begin with

You see me on the street
You always act surprised
You say, "How are you?" "Good luck"
But you don't mean it

When you know as well as me
You'd rather see me paralyzed
Why don't you just come out once
And scream it

No, I do not feel that good
When I see the heartbreaks you embrace
If I was a master thief
Perhaps I'd rob them

And now I know you're dissatisfied
With your position and your place
Don't you understand
It's not my problem

I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes
And just for that one moment
I could be you

Yes, I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes
You'd know what a drag it is
To see you.

JUST TO CLARIFY/ I Am Not A Republican

Some people from other countries questioned
why the comments about religion and faith
included vehemently saying that
I AM NOT A REPUBLICAN.
So, to clarify...
A very troubling trend has reared
it's head in American Politics.
That's the same America that SAYS there
is separation of church and state
(NONE AT ALL, that's a ruse).
In American politics,
the republican right wing has
sort of claimed God as their own.
It has effectively effected elections
(namely bush).
The bush clan put it out there that they
were the God party.
And people swallowed that.
Why? Don't know,
most of us are baffled.
Why a group that preaches
an agenda based on murder, racism,
capitalism, and lies would use Jesus
as a poster boy is just baffling!
Jesus...
Who warned everyone about two things...
The Government and The Church.
Jesus who was a humble, peaceful wanderer
suddenly being the neon sign to promote
WAR WAR WAR?
I don't think so.
But it worked.
They just threw the words JESUS and PRAYER and GOD
into a bunch of republican campaigns,
supported by crazy people like Pat Robertson
and other clergy members
who gave sermon after sermon
about how not voting for bush was somehow equated
to not loving God.
Really sick stuff.
But it worked.
So, yeah, I would really like to turn that on it's head,
if you do think Jesus was a cool dude
and had his head on straight,
there is no way you could support the
republican party on his account.
He was against EVERYTHING they are for.
Jesus would've been the straight up cool guy
next to you at the bar drinking beer...
no, drinking wine, while you drank beer,
and saying how evil war is,
and capitalism, and all of the phonies out
there who try to use God for a vote.
But it was a brilliant plan.
JESUS WANTS YOU TO KILL PEOPLE!
JESUS WANTS YOU TO VOTE FOR US!
ummmm...
WWJD?

AND...

Right now,
I am sittng on the couch
with a beer in my hand
and a bunch o formerly homeless animals
all over me
and my beautiful boyfrined
at my side
after a night of sadly eliminating
two more false friends from my
troubles.
And i thank God
for my formerly homeless animals
and my beautiful boyfriend
and my late,
but appreiated
knowledge of discernment.

And my beer.

AND...

NO!
In the photo of me on the front page,
I am ABSOLUTELY NOT
wearing fur.
It's a fun faux fabric play thing
made by my best friend Darren,
who does NO FUR whatsoever.

love.

JUST TO CLARIFY/religion and faith

I have written about this several
times before, but just because I hate
feeing misunderstood, I am going to
quote an old piece of my writing, some of
you may have read before, and then
try to explain something important to me:

"I believe in faith, not religion.
A very smart person once said to me,
'Religion is a series of learned, practiced behavior,
like if you take a Vitamin C every day,
that is religious behavior.'
Which is very different than faith.
Faith is an indescribable belief in something,
whether it is practiced by method in any way.
Those who proclaim themselves "religious leaders",
and make up human rule books to enforce their mortal
ideals about 'what God thinks' on others are equally
as human and mortal, not divine and immortal as their followers.
And to me, are on some strange power trip.
Especially the ones who wear costumes.
Robes and head ornaments and such.
To clothe themselves as "closer to The Almighty" than the mere
"believers" in their flock dressed in plain clothes.
To identify their divinity?
That they are, in fact 'holier than thou'?
What?
They are costumes.
Does God really care about that?
In my opinion, they are no more superior
than those who MUST wear Prada shoes,
or more magical than those who dress up as fairies on Halloween."
- from "Playing God"/pp - Jan. 2003

I can not stand the hierarchy and judgement
that religions have within them and between each other.
I have been inspired and learned from all kinds of
ideologies, world faiths and literature.
I don't want to be a part of a group.
It distorts the vertical for me.
I believe that God Is Love,
and it seems that many world faiths are telling
the same story in different languages.
Love, grace, peace, humility, generosity, mercy, honesty, kindness...
These are the things that should be strived for,
not religious superiority.

(And Aamnat, there was no need to justify,
peace to you!.)

Tony DogBoy

I just was looking at a picture that
makes me so happy,
I decided to share it.
I have this friend, Tony DogBoy.
He's one of my favorite people in the world,
ever, ever, ever.
He's so beautiful,
and has a light around him that
brightens the world.
He has the best laugh and such
a happy face.
He's full of love, a kiss and
hug from him, can change everything.
Anyways, Tony LOVES Halloween.
LOVES IT!
He thinks about it all year.
This year he built an enormous costume
that was "posessed scarecrow",
complete with remote control, light up eyes
and growling moving mouth and
and remote controlled crow on its shoulder.
I stopped by to see him before he went out.
Watching Tony look at one of his costumes
is one of the greatest things ever.
Tony, I love you.

JOB responses

I can't have comments because of the bored mean people,
but last night,
they were accidentally left on for a minute.
So I wanted to say thanks to you who wrote the following,
it helped,
so thanks.
(also, site wise, if you ask a questionabout social, spiritual,
political, life issues written to this e-mail address:
pauleypdotcom@gmail.com
I may address them in future blogs,
but if they are not social, spiritual,
political, life issues they probably will not get
to me, and no assholes allowed,
life is hard enough.

Anyway, thanks for these:

Wishing you nothing but the best.
- mne202001
---------
Thank you for challenging your fans to think about real issues, and opening yourself up to us. Hopefully there are more 'good' fans than 'bad', and I hope the new year brings more sunshine than rain for you.
- sonia
-------
Thank God for Job and all of his misfortune! Kind of puts it all into perspective!
- kitty
----
I pray that your future year is better than the last.

-Tabitha
-----------
believe me, not everyone believes or swallows everything they hear or are told
- Volalupi
---------------
Best wishes from Berlin/Germany Kathrin : )
-------------
Amen sister!
- Cheyenne
-----------------
renew a steadfast spirit within me.
- Green3ggsNSam
------------------
This one is my "mantra", and reminds me that God is strengthening me through the difficult times. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4 (NIV). Have a blessed day. :);):D
- BookwormPrincess
---------------
~Peace to you~
- Lisa
---------------
Job is such a great book. I just read it a couple of months ago. If we really believe in God's sovereignty we would be better equipped to face affliction. The history of Job is a model here. There is indeed "a despising the chastening of the Almighty" (Job 5:17), for many assume that God is obliged to make them wealthy, healthy and wise. But this is the height of blasphemy. If we were to ask from God our due, we would have the experience of his everlasting wrath, and nothing else. Rather, "Do not deal with us according to our transgressions..."

In Job 38-42, God gives the explanation that would satisfy if man would, like Job, humble himself before Him and listen to Him. In summary, God tells Job that there is a wisdom that far exceeds Job's, a wisdom that He has not in totality revealed to him. Job's response is to bow in humble submission to God's sovereign purposes. It takes 42 chapters, but finally Job says in 42:2,3, "I know that You can do everything and that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You." Like it or not, God is sovereign and He will not share His glory with another.
- canuk
-------------------
and as for Abaddon - are you Espen?
See the prior post I wrote for you.
Thank you.

ESPEN from NORWAY

Got a note about something you might have done.
If this is true,
I am floored by your actions.
And I thank you so much.
I don't understand how,
and I queston everything,
because my enemy sends e-mails
posing as fans, friends, etc, all the time.
But if that is you,
and if it is true.
Thank you.

There is an e-mail address attached to this sight.
I don't know how to get to it straight up,
but my people do.
If you want to explain further,
write to:
pauleypdotcom@gmail.com

I will put out a look out for your
correspondence.
And if it is true,
Thank you.
No only for what you did,
but for showing that some people
don't suck.

BRIGHT EYES

A co-worker of mine was telling me
that couldn't stop listening to
Bright Eyes cd, "I'm wide awake..".
I was like, "ohhhhh, I know".

When I first got that CD, the day
it came out, I was driving on
the 5 freeway and had to pull
off and park because it was so
beautiful, I couldn't drive.

It all started with an earlier
Bright Eyes cd, "Lifted".
This one blew me away.
Over and over.
I thought there is no way an
artist could possibly top an
effort like "Lifted".
But I figured that any effort by
an artist that good would be
worth checking out.

And then came "I'm wide awake..."
Oh My God.
It's just so amazing.
Bright Eyes and Emmy Lou Harris.
Wow.
Love it,
love it,
love it.
So good it's frightening.

JOB

No,
not "job",
like the thing you do for a living,
JOB, like the book in the bible.
I carry a pink, leopard skin bible with me
in my bag, everywhere.
My ex-boyfriend used to make fun
of me for having so many bibles.
Please don't misjudge me and think I am
a "religious right" guy,
I think in terms of "religious wrong".
The church has often destroyed LOVE.
(GOD = LOVE, LOVE = GOD / A=A - SAME!, MISMO!)
Please don't use my God that I love and
believe in to promote murder, elitism,
exclusionary tactics, judgment and capitalism.
I believe in the teachings and life
of Christ, so I could NEVER be a republican.
Anyways,
I have had over a year of
circumstances in which I have been
persecuted unfairly beyond any sense
of even my imagination (biblical proportions)
I have had to question my faith in
people, God, the "justice" system,
everything...
as victims of crime often do.
I have been keeping the book of Job
very close to me lately.
I made a pact with God when
I was a child,
that I would use my life to help others,
and I have kept that promise, diligently.
However,
I have been stolen from, lied about and
unfairly accused in the way that
only Lifetime movies have portrayed,
but way worse.
I have been searching for a mantra,
just to get me through the
day to day to day to day to day to day.

I just watched a movie called
"The Power Of One",
which is a heavy tale about Apartheid.
Again, power was in the hands of
the evil, and the honest were preyed upon,
stolen from, accused and abused.

The holocaust.
Everything taken from good,
honest hard working
people while the killers and the theives
threw parties paid for on the
backs of their victims.

It's everywhere.
it has always happened.
In the big, big ways,
and in little lives life my own.

How does one keep their faith
if they have experienced
or even read about
incredible injustices?

I have refound the book of Job.
Remembered from my past memorization of the bible.
I wish harm to and have no anger towards anyone,
my anger has NOT been towards
my abuser and accuser (as many feel
it should be, but I pity him, lost)
but more with God,
the big "WHY?",
a question I have avoided since recent times,
as I have always been on great terms with God,
I have been a fucking worker bee,
and happily so.

JOB 4: (NCV version)
(edited for length)
"Think about the many people you have taught
and the weak hands you have made strong.
Your words have comforted those who fell,
and you have strengthened those
who could not stand.
But now trouble comes to you
and you are discouraged.
Trouble hits you,
and you are terrified.
You should have confidence
because you respect God,
you should have hope,
because you are innocent.
Remember that the innocent will not die,
honest people will never be destroyed.
I have noticed that people who plow evil,
harvest it.

Job 5:
Anger kills the fool,
and jealousy slays the stupid.
I have seen a fool succeed...
The hungry eat his harvest,
even taking what grew amongst the thorns,
and thirsty people want his wealth...
God does wonders that can not be understood...
He makes the humble person important,
and lifts the sad to places of safety.
HE RUINS THE PLANS OF THOSE WHO
TRICK OTHERS,
SO THEY HAVE NO SUCCESS,
HE CATCHES THE WISE IN THEIR OWN
CLEVER TRAPS,
AND SWEEPS AWAY THE PLANS OF THOSE WHO
TRY TO TRICK OTHERS.

So, make fun,
but I read the bible alot.
And it's good for me.
(and I curse worse than a sailor and I'm
a Liberal, so don't try to claim me for the religious wrong)
And I know that this AIN'T MY PLANET.
I know that because awful, parasitic, thieves
WIN all the time here.
Honest, helping, hard working people live
in turmoil and persecution ALL THE TIME.

You may hate it,
but I am a fucking Christian,
(according to the Hebrew,
that means Little Christ,
which means,
believing in the teachings of Christ)
and I am Heaven bound.

Theives may win here
on this planet,
and pat their criminal selves on the back,
for feeling powerful and clever.
But I know Love.
I know what I am about.
And it ain't about this stupid planet.
I'm just visiting...
reluctantly.

So enjoy the party,
And the guest list of pathetic liars,
because that event is the only one they are invited to,
those kind of hungry eat the harvest,
which grew amongst thorns
on the backs of injustice.
Rock on.
I pity you.
and, yeah...
occasionally I pray for you.
Maybe reluctantly.

Peter Dinklage

When it comes to talent,
lets take a moment to recognize
the force that is:
Peter Dinklage.

My boyfriend turned me on to
one of the best movies of last year,
"The Station Agent".
I've watched it over and over.
Yeah, everybody is good,
but Peter Dinklage's performance in
this film is OUTSTANDING..

He is a pure talent, capable of anything.